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discuss the entire matter like civilized adults. And if she didn't give him
the right answers, he'd strangle her. He could always arrest himself
afterward.
But he only saw Lori sitting at the keyboard, frantically typing. "I'll have
the damn changes by six," she called out. Her brow was furrowed in
concentration as she glanced up. Her eyes frosted over.
"What the hell do you want?"
"I need to see Bess."
"You're out of luck." Nobody hurt her friend and got away with it.
Nobody. "She's not here."
"Where?"
She offered an anatomically impossible suggestion, offered it so coolly
he nearly smiled. But it wasn't enough. She leapt up and slammed the
door shut. Locked it. "Sit down, buster, I've got an earful for you."
"Tell me where she is."
"When hell freezes over. Do you know what you did to her?" She took
the flat of her hand to push him back. "Why didn't you just cut her heart
and slice it into little pieces while you were at it?"
"What I did?" He jammed his hands into his pockets so he wouldn't
shove her back. "I'm the one who walked in and found her snuggled up
to that pretty-faced playwright."
"You don't know what you found."
"Then why don't you tell me?"
She'd die first. "You don't know her at all, do you? You didn't have a
clue how lucky you were. She's the most loving, most generous, most
unselfish person I've ever known, She'd have crawled through broken
glass for you." Afraid she'd do something violent if she didn't move,
Lori began to pace. "I was so happy when she told me about you. I could
see how much in love she was. Really in love. She wasn't just taking you
under her wing until she could find someone for you."
"Find someone for me?"
"What do you think she did with all those other men who were dazzled
by her?" Lori tossed back. "Oh, she'd try to talk herself into being in
love, and thinking they loved her, back, and the whole time she'd listen
to their problems like some den mother. Then she'd steer them in the
direction of some woman she'd decided was perfect for them. She was
usually right."
"She was going to marry "
"She was never going to marry anyone. Whenever she said yes, it was
because she couldn't bear to hurt anyone's feelings. And, okay, because
she always wanted to have someone she could count on. But however
loyal, however sensitive, she is to other people's feelings, she's not
stupid. She'd tell herself she was going to get married, then she'd go into
overdrive finding the guy a substitute."
"Substitute? Why ?" But Lori wasn't ready to let him get a word in.
"Not that she ever calculated it that way. But after you watched it
happen a couple of times, you saw the pattern. But you& " She whirled
back to him. "You broke the pat tern. She needed you. You made her
cry." Angry tears glazed Lori's own eyes. "Not once did I ever see her
cry over any man. She'd just slip seamlessly into the my-pal-Bess
category, and everyone was happy. But she's cried buckets over you."
He felt sick, and small, and he was beginning to understand a great deal
about groveling. "Tell me where she is. Please."
"Why the hell should I?"
"I love her."
She wanted to snarl at him for daring to say so, but she recognized the
same misery in his eyes she'd seen in her friend's. "Charlie was "
"No." He shook his head quickly. "It doesn't matter." What did matter
was trust, and it was time he gave it. "I don't need to know. I just need
her."
With a sigh, Lori fingered the square-cut diamond on her left hand. Bess
had pushed her into taking the right step with Steven. She could only
hope she was doing the same in return. "If you hurt her again, Alex "
"I won't." Then he sighed. "I don't want to hurt her again, but I probably
will."
She weakened, because it was exactly the thing a man in love would say.
"I sent her home. She wasn't in any shape to work."
"Dyakuyu."
"What?"
"Thanks."
She hated feeling this way. The only way Bess could get from one day to
the next was by telling herself it would get better. It had to get better.
But she didn't believe it.
She hadn't had the heart to throw out the lilacs. She'd tried to. She'd even
stood holding them over the trash can, weeping like a fool. But the
thought of parting with them had been too much. Now she tormented
herself with the fragile scent whenever she came downstairs.
She thought about taking a trip anywhere. She certainly had the
vacation time coming, but it didn't seem fair to leave Lori in the lurch,
especially since Lori had added wedding plans to her work load.
A lot of good she was doing Lori, or the show, this way, she thought.
But the problem of the people in Millbrook seemed terribly petty when
compared to hers. Too bad she couldn't write herself out of this one, she
thought, as she stood in the kitchen, trying to talk herself into fixing
something to eat.
Well, she'd certainly made the grade, Bess told herself, and pressed her
fingers against her swollen eyes. She'd fallen in love and had her heart
broken. Great research for the next troubled relationship she invented for
the television audience.
The hell with food. She was going to go up to bed and will herself to
sleep. Tomorrow she would find some way to put her life back together.
When she stepped out of the kitchen, what was left of her life shattered
at her feet.
He was standing by the table, one hand brushing over the lilacs. All he
did was look at her, turn his head and look, and she nearly crumpled to
her knees.
"What are you doing here?" The pain made her voice razor-sharp.
"I still have my key." He lowered his hand slowly. Her eyes were still
puffy from her last bout of tears, and there were smudges of fatigue
under them. Nothing that had been said to him, nothing he'd said to
himself, had lashed more sharply.
"You didn't have to bring it by." If composure was all she had left, she
would cling to it. "You could have dropped it in the mail. But thanks."
Her smile was so cold it hurt her jaw. "If that's all, I'm in a hurry. I was
just on my way up to change before I go out."
"You can't look at me when you lie." He said it half to himself,
remembering how her eyes had drifted away from his face when she said
she didn't love him.
She forced her gaze back to his, held it steady. "What do you want,
Alexi?"
"A great many things. Maybe too many things. But first, for you to
forgive me."
Her face crumpled at that. She put a hand up to cover it, knowing it was
too late. "Leave me alone."
"Milaya, let me "
"Don't." She cringed away, crossing her arms over herself in self-
defense, and his hands stopped an inch away. There was an odd catch in
his breath as he drew them back and let them fall to his sides.
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