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Before, he said. Before anyone.
Yes. She nodded, eyes shut, off in her trip. Before anyone stomps them, and they re gone.
You know me, he said. You can read me.
She lay back, setting down the hash pipe. It had gone out. No more, she said, and her smile
slowly dwindled away.
What s wrong? he said.
Nothing. She shook her head and that was all.
Can I put my arms around you? he said. I want to hold you. Okay? Hug you, like. Okay?
Her dark, enlarged, unfocused weary eyes opened. No, she said. No, you re too ugly.
What? he said.
No! she said, sharply now. I snort a lot of coke; I have to be super careful because I snort a lot
of coke.
Ugly! he echoed, furious at her. Fuck you, Donna.
Just leave my body alone, she said, staring at him.
Sure, he said. Sure. He got to his feet and backed away. You better believe it. He felt like
going out to his car, getting his pistol from the glove compartment, and shooting her face off, bursting
her skull and eyes to bits. And then that passed, that hash hate and fury. Fuck it, he said dismally.
I don t like people to grope my body, Donna said. I have to watch out for that because I do so
much coke. Someday I have it planned I m going over the Canadian border with four pounds of coke
in it, in my snatch. I ll say I m a Catholic and a virgin. Where are you going? Alarm had her now;
she half rose.
I m taking off, he said.
Your car is at your place. I drove you. The girl struggled up, tousled and confused and half
asleep, wandered toward the closet to get her leather jacket. I ll drive you back. But you can see why
I have to protect my snatch. Four pounds of coke is worth
No fucking way, he said. You re too stoned to drive ten feet, and you never fucking let
anybody else drive that little roller skate of yours.
Facing him, she yelled wildly, That s because nobody else can fucking drive my car! Nobody
else even gets it right, no man especially! Driving on anything else! You had your hands down into my
And then he was somewhere outside in the darkness, roaming, without his coat, in a strange part
of town. Nobody with him. Fucking alone, he thought, and then he heard Donna hurrying along after
him, trying to catch up with him, panting for breath, because she did so much pot and hash these days
that her lungs were half silted up with resins. He halted, stood without turning, waiting, feeling really
down.
Approaching him, Donna slowed, panted, I am dreadfully sorry I ve hurt your feelings. By what
I said. I was out of it.
Yeah, he said. Too ugly!
Sometimes when I ve worked all day and I m super super tired, the first hit I take just spaces
me. You wanna come back? Or what? You wanta go to the drive-in? What about the Southern
Comfort? I can t buy it . . . they won t sell it to me, she said, and paused. I m underage, right?
Okay, he said. Together they walked back.
That sure is good hash, isn t it? Donna said.
Bob Arctor said, It s black sticky hash, which means it s saturated with opium alkaloids. What
you re smoking is opium, not hash do you know that? That s why it costs so much do you know
that? He heard his voice rise; he stopped walking. You aren t doing hash, sweetie. You re doing
opium, and that means a lifetime habit at a cost of . . . what s hash selling for now a pound? And
you ll be smoking and nodding off and nodding off and not being able to get your car in gear and rear-
ending trucks and needing it every day before you go to work
I need to now, Donna said. Take a hit before I go to work. And at noon and as soon as I get
home. That s why I deal, to buy my hash. Hash is mellow. Hash is where it s at.
Opium, he repeated. What s hash sell for now?
About ten thousand dollars a pound, Donna said. The good kind.
Christ! As much as smack.
I would never use a needle. I never have and I never will. You last about six months when you
start shooting, whatever you shoot. Even tap water. You get a habit
You have a habit.
Donna said, We all do. You take Substance D. So what? What s the difference now? I m happy;
aren t you happy? I get to come home and smoke high-grade hash every night . . . it s my trip. Don t
try to change me. Don t ever try to change me. Me or my morals. I am what I am. And I get off on
hash. It s my life.
You ever seen pictures of an old opium smoker? Like in China in the old days? Or a hash
smoker in India now, what they look like later on in life?
Donna said, I don t expect to live long. So what? I don t want to be around long. Do you? Why?
What s in this world? And have you even seen Shit, what about Jerry Fabin; look at someone too far
into Substance D. What s there really in this world, Bob? It s a stopping place to the next where they
punish us here because we were born evil
You are a Catholic.
We re being punished here, so if we can get off on a trip now and then, fuck it, do it. The other
day I almost cashed in driving my MG to work. I had the eight-track stereo on and I was smoking my
hash pipe and I didn t see this old dude in an eighty-four Ford Imperator
You are dumb, he said. Super dumb.
I am, you know, going to die early. Anyhow. Whatever I do. Probably on the freeway. I got
hardly any brakes on my MG, you realize that? And I ve picked up four speeding tickets this year
already. Now I got to go to traffic school. It s a bummer. For six whole months.
So someday, he said, I will all of a sudden never lay eyes on you again. Right? Never again.
Because of traffic school? No, after the six months
In the marble orchard, he explained. Wiped out before you re allowed under California law,
fucking goddamn California law, to purchase a can of beer or a bottle of booze.
Yeah! Donna exclaimed, alerted. The Southern Comfort! Right on! Are we going to do a fifth
of Southern Comfort and take in the Ape flicks? Are we? There s still like eight left, including the one
Listen to me, Bob Arctor said, taking hold of her by the shoulder; she instinctively pulled
away.
No, she said.
He said, You know what they ought to let you do one time? Maybe just one time? Let you go in
legally, just once, and buy a can of beer.
Why? she said wonderingly.
A present to you because you are good, he said.
They served me once! Donna exclaimed in delight. At a bar! The cocktail waitress I was
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