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was on the lake, just rowing around, I thought about this. A lot of times when I m
divorced from the world and everything is reduced to the basics& And I think
this is true for everyone, not just for me& We think about things. I don t know
what, it s probably never the same, but I was thinking about exactly this as I rode
on the lake.
Jena looked over at me, a gem igniting in her eyes. Really? I was thinking
about it, too&
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If I had to put into words, I began to answer, what my dreams were& It s
not really something you hear a lot. I ve heard people talk about how their
greatest dreams are to be great writers or great athletes or great teachers or great
speakers& Great, in some way. People dream to be recognized, to be applauded,
to be consumed with adoration. But me& Well, I m different. I don t want
recognition. I don t want power or prestige or wealth. The future I want is simple.
It is beautiful.
She nudged me in the side with her elbow, edging me on. Keep going&
The tweets and chirps of the birds underscored my speech. I want a wife. A
beautiful wife. Not a hot wife, there s a difference. I see all the sports swimsuit
models, and it s almost& not appalling, but they aren t as attractive as they think
they are. But that s pointless. Beauty isn t about what you see, but what you feel,
what you taste, what you know to be true. I want a beautiful wife a beautiful
wife with a beautiful personality, a charming charisma, a wife who is just& wow,
amazing in every fathomable dimension. I want to have the wife of my dreams,
perfect in every way. And I want two children. Two girls I want to name them
Kara and Kaylee. I want to go to barbecues and parties and I want to go out to eat
with the family& I want to see my little girls grow up to get married and start
families of their own& And I want to grow old with my wife, up in the
mountains. When I die& I want to die in her arms, and I want her to die in mine. I
don t know if there s an afterlife, Jena, but if there is, I want to enter it clutching
my wife.
We had stopped beside the bank and I sat upon a rock, picking up fallen nettles
and tossing them onto the waters, where they floated and bobbed with the gentle
lapping waves. Jena stood over me, quietly listening as I spoke: This is the life
I ve always dreamed of. I always thought& It s just in my imagination, it s not a
reality. All my life I ve seen my dream flaunted before my eyes, fallen into the
hands of those who have no& qualification& for the dream. I have seen boys
crazed for sex and make-out sessions taking the girls who just want love,
acceptance, and romance, and I ve seen them turn into sluts. I thought& I thought
I d always be alone. I thought& I thought there d never be anything for me.
She didn t say anything, just wrapped her arms around a tree, and resting her
head on the trunk, watched me, eyes swimming with compassion.
A smile irked over my lips. But look: here I am. I m on the edge of a lake in
the middle of nowhere, bathing in the songs of the birds, and you re behind me&
Sometimes dreams are dreams& Because it s what we re designed for. I didn t
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Flowers Quickly Fading 137
look at her, but I said it quietly, and I think she heard it, because of what she did
next: I think I was designed for you. Or at least you were designed for me.
She crawled down beside me, leaning forward, looking at me. She spoke
slowly: Never stop dreaming.
I looked into her eyes and felt her soul reaching out, connecting with mine. A
chill ran up my spine as she reached out and took my hands. Her hair fell over her
eyes as she leaned towards me, pressing her body upon me; I followed up, and I
placed my hands on the side of her stomach, felt her quick breathing underneath
the shirt, and she took her arms around my back and groped my back with
quivering fingers. I felt the warmth of her breath upon me in the cool air, and our
eyes slowly closed. Our noses passed each other and our lips combined; my
tongue entered within, bent on exploring and discovering, and hers entered mine,
and the forest was forgotten in that one moment so better than any others.
We sat on that bank, and I embraced her close, and we didn t let go.
Even after the sun fell.
I had all but given up on finding the one that I could fall into on the
day before you.
I was ready settled for less than love and not much more.
There was no such thing as a dream come true.
But that was on the day before you.
Now you're here and everything changes.
Suddenly life means so much.
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow and find out this promise is true.
I will never have to go back to the day before you.
In your eyes I see forever.
It makes me wish that my life never knew the day before you.
Heaven knows those years without you were shaping my heart for
the day that I found
you.
You're the reason for all that I've been through.
Then I'm thankful for the day before you.
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Flowers Quickly Fading 138
Now you're here and everything changes.
Suddenly life means so much.
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow and find out this promise is true.
I will never have to go back to the day before you.
- Rascal Flatts
Lamps on the cabin property glowered, casting forlorn light, as we entered the
front door. Her mom came from the kitchen and demanded to know where we had
been: I had to stand here in the middle of nowhere as a beer-bellied repairman
with too short pants worked on the plumbing. It would ve been nice just to have
you guys here.
Jena kissed her on the cheek and said, I m sorry. It won t happen again.
Sorry, I said to her mother.
Where were you guys? she asked. It s ten o clock.
We went on a walk, Jena explained, going into the kitchen. She opened the
refrigerator. Is this pudding any good?
It s fine, her mom said, looking at me. What took you guys so long? she
asked me.
I shrugged. We just walked around the lake, I said. It s bigger than it looks.
I knew she thought we were deceiving her. All right, she said. It s going to
rain-
As if on cue, thunder erupted, shaking the cabin. The roof began to drum with
heavy rain.
I guess we re inside for the night, she said. Get something to eat. It was a
long walk. I m sure you re absolutely famished.
I m fine, I quietly said under my breath.
She had made a fire but had promptly fallen asleep, perhaps dredged sick over the
hours of worrying about where Jena and I had been. I sat on the couch and Jena
sat beside me; her arms were wrapped around me, eyes closed, breathing slowly. I
could feel her body pressed against mine as I stared into the burning embers of the
dying fire.
She called my name, voice weak, half-asleep. I answered, Yeah?
Don t leave me, okay? she asked, eyes still closed.
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